I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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