The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
