I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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