are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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