Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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