I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
