You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
