The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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