you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
