Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
