I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
