Kiss
Puke
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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