Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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