He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
sarcasm needs its own font
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
