I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
