I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
