In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
