So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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