Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Vodka?
Forever.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
