I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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