I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
