is your mom at the bar?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
