Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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