why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
