my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
