so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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