we made out on top of his cat.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
