At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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