also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
