even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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