I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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