You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There r osticjed everywhere
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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