I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
