I just saw a hot homeless man
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
