We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
