I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
