What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
