OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
