I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm both gender and math confused
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
