I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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