I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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