don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
