this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
