i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
