He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
