When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
