If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
