hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
