thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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