She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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