And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
