please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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