Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
